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For Women Only
Thoughts on Sexuality
The First Petal of the Spiritual Lotus
by Anne Zapf

The Peyote Way Spirit Walk is a process that helps individuals experience certain spiritual truths. Many communicants return from their experience revitalized. Many gain new resolve and enhanced empathy for the Earth. We perceive things differently. We re-evaluate our priorities and focus. In subtle ways we are changed by our experience.

There is a Zen saying, "Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water." (Wu Li) What that means to me is that while everything else stays the same around us, we ourselves are changed by our spirit walk experience. The difficulty for many of us is in maintaining our enlightened attitude while living our harried lives. "Making sacred," means bringing spiritual consciousness to material activities. Finding something spiritual in an otherwise mundane job helps us to maintain our spiritual integrity. Recognizing that our sexual partners are living manifestations of god and goddess also helps us to remember the lessons of our Spirit Walk experience. When we acknowledge the god or goddess within we make sex a sacramental act.

A wise man once stated that sexual orgasm, something that almost anyone can achieve in this lifetime, is the first petal of the spiritual lotus, the lowest experience of the divine. In other words, that psychedelic moment when we achieve orgasm and experience that brief disconnect from "mind" that is pure ecstasy, gives us a taste of "heaven" or divine ecstasy which is so much more.

The discussion of sex, like the use of plant sacraments for spiritual development, is still a pretty taboo subject. Many women are reluctant to talk about it, even among themselves. Since my first orgasm 26 years ago, I have discussed female orgasm with several other women and my daughter, but it's been hard to break through the taboo headspace. It's a sad commentary on this society that advertisers can exploit sex to sell products. T.V. and movie producers can use sexual innuendo to entertain, but women are ashamed to discuss the real thing. Talking about our bodies and sex is important. We owe it to our daughters and ourselves.

Since my own latent sexual discovery after the birth of my second child, I have often wondered how many others were like me, or how many marriages or partnerships failed, in part, because one of the partners in the relationship was unaware of her sexual potential. I'm sure some partners are aware, but they may not have the patience or know how to work with their lover to overcome societal prohibitions and sexual wounds that have prevented her self-discovery. Perhaps this information should have been passed from mother to daughter, but maybe it wasn't, because maybe the mothers didn't know.

In this patriarchal society, if a man is unhappy with his mate, he finds someone else, or has secret affairs with others who may seem more willing and receptive. This reaction to unsatisfactory sex leaves a trail of hurt feelings and does nothing to help his partner overcome her inhibitions. By sharing what I know with other young women, I hope to help them avoid some of these landmines of performance anxiety, detached "frigid" sex and infidelity.

When I left home, my mother didn't tell me much more than to use protection when I had sex, but I honestly don't think she knew much more than the mechanics herself. She came from a Victorian upbringing, which labeled a woman's desire for sex as nymphomania. Still, my mother's job, as she saw it, was to keep me from getting pregnant before I graduated from high school and at that she succeeded admirably.

I was still clueless at nineteen, when I had my first sexual encounter with a man. My father was Old World German and very shy, and so I had never before seen a completely naked man. Prior to this experience, I had never been told what to expect or do, other than my mother's admonition to use protection. No one had ever discussed female orgasm or oral sex with me. As a result, unsatisfying sex followed by unwanted sexual molestation led me to conclude that sex was mainly for the enjoyment of men. My vagina and breasts were the objects of my partner's pleasure, not mine. I became detached. Needless to say I became expert at giving my partner pleasure before I had the slightest idea what to do for myself. Eventually Matthew confronted me, and started me down the long exciting path to self-discovery. It was only because of Matthew's patience that I now enjoy looking at my partner's naked body and feeling his passionate touch.

Loving sex is spiritual and one of the most powerful magical forces on the planet. Every woman's body is a Temple for the Holy Spirit and therefore sacred. Young women should be encouraged to explore their bodies. To look in a mirror, not just at their beautiful faces and bodies, but also at the beautiful flower of their labia and clitoris. They need to be told that vaginal secretions are normal, and also a sweet elixir to a lover, not a strong smelling* discharge to be embarrassed about.

Women have an incredible potential to experience ecstasy. I have learned from personal experience that women can experience at least two kinds of orgasm: the ecstatic clitoral, and the gushing G spot or vaginal. A woman can also experience multiple, continuous and spontaneous orgasms. Orgasm can be achieved manually, with a vibrator, or by cunnilingus. The mind is also a powerful sexual tool. There are probably many other things I don't know about. I heard a story about a woman who stated that while singing a particular Beethoven chorus she had an orgasm.

As it has been almost twenty years since I first wrote this article, many of my references, which were already dated then, are now woefully limited as information sources. For example, when I first experienced female ejaculation, I could find no books discussing the topic, and many sources debunked vaginal, or g-spot orgasms as "myth." Though g-spot orgasms are now clearly demonstrated in scores of pornographic DVD's, as recently as five years ago an article in Playgirl magazine stated that sometimes when women get excited they pee. We have known for centuries that male ejaculate (sperm), though exiting through the same organ as pee, is not pee, yet we still wonder whether the river of ejaculatory juices released in female orgasm is pee. Many partners now recognize that women "eJANulate" (as in Jane vs. Jack) and express no concern that it may be pee. What is obvious to them is that their ecstatic woman shudders and groans with pleasure as these juices flow. When I first learned about ejanulation, Matthew and I joked that I had found the answer to pre-menstrual bloating and water retention!

I believe that having the information for self-discovery is a blessing for a teenage girl and instead of leading to promiscuous behavior, may prevent it. They need to know that masturbation is healthy and normal and that when they masturbate, they are practicing safe sex. Why should a woman have sex with a guy she doesn't love, if she can achieve more pleasure by herself? Because of her personal explorations, when the time comes that she wants to have sex with a partner, she will also be able to tell her partner what s/he can do to pleasure her. Of course, included in any sex education class, whether between mother and daughter or in school, should also be a discussion of sexually transmitted diseases, including Aids and pregnancy.

A friend of mine argues that sexual pornography is debasing to women and a form of usury, and a lot of it is, but I have seen that some of it can be very educational and can also enhance sex. I believe information is the beginning to healing and preventing the wounds women experience during their sexual awakening. Because there is so much porn available and so much of it is inferior quality, I am inclined to provide a recommendation or two. If you want to witness a gushing orgasm watch any of the Cytherea DVD's. Other educational, beautiful and erotic videos are offered by Sinclair Institute, my favorites being "The Joy of Erotic Massage" and "The Kama Sutra" which explore the intimate relationships between two people and offer helpful advice to strengthen love bonds while making sex pleasurable to both partners.

Finally, I still nurture a belief in personal power and magic in the form of spiritual sexual energy. I believe that the amazing energy and power that increases our blood flow and flushes our skin not only helps restore our inner sense of wellbeing, but also has a positive healing effect in the outer world. Sometimes, with that in mind, as I approach climax, I focus briefly on sending love and healing energy out to the cosmos. What if we could save the world, one orgasm at a time? If so, now is no time to wallow in ignorance. We owe it to ourselves and the world to get out our vibrators or grab our lovers and raise some spiritual healing energy right now!!

May peace and understanding guide your hearts, and please remember to include widows and fatherless children in your celebrations and prayers.

Recommended reading and viewing:

  • Sex for One by Rev. Betty Dodsen, is a good start for any woman who feels lukewarm about sex. Her guidance and a good vibrator (I prefer the coil style) can awaken the Wild Woman in each of us.
  • Also helpful are books by Mantak Chia
  • The Joy of Erotic Massage Sinclair Institute
  • Kama Sutra Sinclair Institute
  • The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers By Margo Anand
  • Any DVD featuring Cytherea
  • Optimal Wellness by Ralph Golan, M.D. page 225
  • The Clitoral Truth by Rebecca Chalker
    Chalker imparts a lot of information in a small concise book. She includes a few diagrams and many book leads for more info.

* You've heard the joke about the blind man who passes by a fish market, tips his hat and says, "Good morning ladies"? If your vagina has an abnormally strong aroma, it could be that you have a yeast infection. Foods to avoid are: Sugar, white or refined flour products, fried foods, fast foods, junk foods, soft drinks, caffeine, margarine, refined oils, and chemical additives (preservatives, dyes, etc).

Road Runner